Scars – We All Have Them

Scars. We all have them.

Scars can be very visible on the outside, or they can be completely hidden on the inside. Scars are evidence of things we have been through. Things we have survived. Things we have been permanently affected by. They shape who we are. It doesn’t matter how big or how small they are.

We are all familiar with the ones we have on the outside, and even use them to identify people if needed. Most of us have at least one or two from a moment of clumsiness or maybe even a slip and fall. I’m sure there are some great stories that go along with them too.

But what about the ones on the inside? The ones that no one can see? Those might be the scars that take the longest to heal and the ones that have cut us the deepest. If they even heal at all. The fact that they are on the inside, can make them easier to hide. Well . . . . maybe. We think we can hide them. But hiding them can be destructive. We can feel like we can’t deal with the wounds and scars that we struggle with.

If you look closely you can see one of my most obvious scars in the picture above. The one from my thyroid cancer. Just at the bottom of my neck. I see this scar every day in the mirror. It’s hard not to, since it’s about 6-8 inches long and stretches from the bottom of my neck and up one side of my neck and stops at my hair line. I see it and remember my year and a half journey with thyroid cancer. The side effects of that journey I still have to manage every single day.

This scar on the outside represents not only the one you can see, but the internal scars and all of the things I went through during this cancer journey. Scars inside and out. The fear, the pain, the surgery, the recovery, the hopeless moments, the darkness and the doubts.

When I see that specific scar, I will have one of two reactions. A negative one or a positive one. Every day it is a choice. Which reaction will I allow myself to focus on. (There are some days I don’t make the best choice). It’s easy to say I will always choose to focus on the positive, and not the negative, but truthfully that just isn’t the truth.

The negative is feeling sorry for myself, being upset over the hard things I had to go through on the cancer journey, being embarrassed over how it changes my face and neck, or trying to hide it. While I was just hanging out in my hospital bed just days after I had my thyroid removed, a nurse asked me how I was going to hide the scar. I admit that I hadn’t really thought that far ahead yet. But her question gave me something to think about and an important decision I needed to make moving forward.

What was I going to do? Hide the scar or not hide it?

Even though I hadn’t really thought that far ahead, I came up with my answer very quickly. Of course I won’t hide my scar. NO way. Not with a scarf and not with anything else. I’m actually very proud of this scar. (And I’ve never really been a scarf person anyway). Just never really liked wearing them for some reason. But this became one more reason not to wear scarves.

I was a bit surprised by the nurse’s response to my answer. She seemed quite shocked that I wouldn’t want to wear a scarf every day to hide it. While my answer had really just come out of my mouth without much thinking, I knew it was the answer I truly believed. I wasn’t going to hide evidence of what I had been through.

Although I admit, it was tough in the beginning since my throat was very red and very noticeable. While I am very proud of how I walked through this cancer journey, there were some days I wasn’t excited about anyone asking me about it. But it was like a red, neon, flashing beacon on my neck.

But I was so grateful to learn that I had one of the top plastic surgeons as a part of my surgery team, and I even got compliments on his work. Just another unexpected blessing.

It took quite a while for the scar to heal fully, and to reduce from a bright red colour to something much less obvious.

While I work not to allow this scar to bother me or affect my choices, I still am very aware of it. When I look in the mirror every day, I still see it. Every day! The memory of what I have been through. I am very conscious of it when I put my hair up or back, and it is very evident. There are some days I need to give myself a quick, little pep talk and say, “It’s ok. You can show it. But be ready when someone asks you about it.”

What scars do you have? What scars are you hiding? What scars make you cry just a little harder? What scars are you proud of? Why?

I call this scar on my neck my battle scar. Yup, I battled and I won. Through a lot of God’s grace and provision I came through with a few nicks and jabs, but I am on the other side now. I want THAT to be what I see every day in the mirror, a reminder to be grateful for all that I have been given, and who I am because of it.

Scars on the outside are just another reflection of how unique we are.

If I ever meet you in person, I would love to show you this scar. You just need to ask.

Scars, we all have them.