Memory, It Comes and It Goes

Do you forget things?

Yup, me too friend, me too!

A while ago, I had the chance to talk for quite a long time with someone I had never met before. We talked and got to know each other better. (That isn’t happening too much in the world right now, so I really appreciated this). She asked some great questions and let me open up about my past health journeys. The more I talked, the more I realized that memories really tend to just fade in to the background, until something or someone pulls them out.

You and I might not remember everything, but things can really start to come back to us if we really think about it.

I was able to share about both times I had gone through cancer, my third cancer scare and a bit about depression. Yikes, it’s really quite overwhelming when I think about all of these things together.

I wonder if those memories fading is a bit of a safety mechanism, a protection? If the memories and details fade to more of a blur, it gives me space to move forward with my mind and my life? More room to fill my mind up with new things. And a mental balm to heal from the difficult things I went through.

I don’t truly know, maybe you have a better idea than I do. I guess I’m just thinking out loud, hhhhhmmmmmm or right here in black and white.

Chemotherapy was pretty intense for me. Many people have a harder time with radiation. Nope, not this girl. I sailed through radiation, no problem. Chemotherapy knocked me over, again and again for eight months. And don’t even mention all of the needles I got jabbed in to everywhere. I am very glad I don’t have any major fears about needles cause that could have been really bad.

Chemo went on for long enough, that eventually my veins just decided they had had enough. They collapsed and wouldn’t even allow a needle to go in. But those doctors and nurses, they are ingenious. They got all creative, and had an IV set up and working in my foot. Yup, in my foot!! Not an experience I would like to repeat, but it worked out alright.

Those were some crazy times. Don’t even get me started on the side effects from the chemo drugs. Those are some powerful drugs for sure. I ended up spending a lot more of my time being horizontal than vertical some days, and missing a lot of my high school classes.

But one of the greatest blessings and really cool privileges I have now, is to help others going through similar struggles and challenges. Support is different coming from someone who has been through it too. I really value those opportunities.

Maybe there are some memories that stay below the surface, but come back to us at a future point when we are able to process it more fully. We have more experience or knowledge to understand it more. Maybe work through the pain of the memory when we are in a more healthy place to deal with it and learn from it.

We all have good and bad memories. Some we never want to remember, and some that come to mind, to help us remember who we are and what we have come through.

What do you think?

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