Friendships – Why They Are Harder As Adults

Finding friends looks different at different stages of life. There are dramatic shifts at a few different points in our lives.

I’m talking about genuine friends, not just a social circle or people who are really more acquaintances than people you know you can rely on.

This is a struggle for me too.

Why is it harder?

How do you do it?

Lots of questions for some of us for sure.

One of the biggest reasons why this is even something to think about, is because we were once in environments all day long as children and teens with our peers. Making this much easier. But moving past a certain age that is no longer the case.

As adults we are generally surrounded by many different kinds of people, age ranges and life circumstances when we are living life in adulthood.

We will generally, but not always, have less in common with those we will spend significant amounts of time with every day. At work or wherever we are.

It’s much more awkward to say can I come over to hang out, when you are 50 years old. Yet kids can do that no problem.

But sometimes I really just want to say, you are great, I like you, let’s hang out.

Socially acceptable or not, uncomfortable or not, I’m beginning to really want to just be that straightforward. Cut through everything and just be blunt.

Much of the time life gets in the way. Work, other relationships, family and any other number of obligations.

I’m definitely leaning more towards blunt honesty and straightforwardness. Then both of us know what’s what.

It can also help the relationship get going if you both want it to happen. Instead of waiting for however long to see if the other person gives you an indication that they want to be your friend too.

I say that you can just ask and see what happens. If doing that gives you the shivers and anxiety, that’s not too surprising. This can make you feel pretty vulnerable for sure.

But what about if that really worked?

The older I get the more clarity I want with all kinds of things in my life. This is a simple thing to do. No, it might not be easy. Simple and easy aren’t the same thing. But you can simply say you want a friendship with someone.

Obviously you are taking a chance to varying degrees about what they might say and how the other person might answer. But it might be helpful if you get a clear answer even if it’s no, not interested. Then you know, instead of putting effort into something that wouldn’t have happened.

But let’s get real, we all have pride at different levels and might have some relationship baggage that might make it harder to hear that someone wasn’t really interested in hanging out with you. Yup, that’s definitely real. I totally understand.

Yes, I realize that what I am saying might be hard and not super easy. I’m right here with you struggling with this too. But I’m really wanting to get better at this.

It’s going to be a process for some of us for sure. But I also know that some people have done this for so long and don’t even thing about it. We are all different and even approach things differently.

I’m here to encourage you to think about trying the straightforward approach. Why not?

Sometimes I think that kids have some basic life skills all figured out. We don’t think too much about a 5 year old approaching another kid and asking them to be their friend. Right? We will probably think that it’s cute or sweet.

So friend what about you? Are you willing to do this? Or are you already doing it? Either way I’m interested in hearing about it from you. And friend, as always with this and so many other things, I am praying for you as you tackle life’s burdens, relationships and roadblocks. Keep going.

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